How Do I Go On?: LHOP inspired fan fiction by Cheryl C. Malandrinos

How Do I Go On?

LHOP inspired fan fiction by Cheryl C. Malandrinos

Disclaimer: I do not own the Little House on the Prairie television series, book series, or any of the characters.

Author's note: I used a bit of the dialogue from the episode, "He Loves Me, He Love Me Not" for this story.

Laura trudged toward the Walnut Grove schoolhouse, a dinner pail swaying in her right hand. Her heavy feet shuffled along the dusty road kicking up rocks. I wonder where he is now.

Miss Wilder would be wondering where she was, too. School started over an hour ago.

Yesterday she had been deliriously happy. The man of her dreams had asked her to marry him and she said, "yes." Knowing Charles wanted her to wait until she turned 18, Almanzo suggested they run away, but she convinced Manly to talk to her Pa first. Why didn't I listen to him?

Her mind wandered back to the moment she heard wagon wheels pulling out of the yard. Stepping into the darkness, the only person she saw was Pa.

"He left?" she asked.

"Yeah," Pa mumbled, nodding as he stood there with his hands tucked into his pockets.

"Why? What did you say to him?"

"I told him you would have to wait."

Her chest tightened around the fury and anger bubbling inside. "I won't lose him. If waiting means I'm going to lose him, I won't wait. I mean it Pa!"

Somehow her legs carried her up into the loft and onto her bed where her body convulsed in a torrent of tears. Ma came up several minutes later; and just like she always did, made it seem like everything would be okay. But, nothing would ever be okay again.

Ma had told her that Almanzo would wait if he really loved her, and encouraged Laura to make up with Pa. He had loved her for sixteen years, after all. She spoke to Pa that night, but it didn't help much. Their talk only served to make her more nervous about facing Almanzo in the morning. Why did she have to choose between the two men she loved most?

Gulping down breakfast Laura raced out the door, school books and dinner pail in hand, to head out to the Wilder farm before school started. She had to convince Almanzo to wait. Her heart fluttered when she saw him driving toward her in his wagon. Though defiant and brave when she faced Pa the night before, she could never turn her back on him and defy his wishes.

"I can't. Not now. I just need some time," she said when Almanzo announced he planned to leave Walnut Grove and wanted her to come with him.

Almanzo glared with disappointment and disgust. "I guess your Pa was right. You're still a little girl."

His words tore into her like barbed wire, not only scratching, but digging in and tearing away tender flesh. She watched him drive off. Please come back!

Sneaking up to the back door of the schoolhouse, Laura sipped cool water from the cup she dipped into the water bucket. Smoothing her hair and straightening her dress, she breathed deeply to prepare to enter the schoolhouse where everyone had been working for nearly two hours. Dozens of heads swung in her direction at the click of the door.

"Oh, Laura," said Miss Wilder. "I wondered where you were. You're not feeling sick are you?"

Her mouth felt as parched as the prairie fields during a drought. The heat of everyone's stare burned on her face. "No, Miss Wilder. I had something to take care of. I'm sorry I'm late."

"That's all right," she smiled. "The class is just reading silently until morning recess. Why don't you take your seat."

"Yes Ma'am."

The weight of her classmates' stares felt like sacks of grain tied to her arms and legs as Laura trudged to her seat; their whispers leaving her too embarrassed to look up. Minutes ticked by as slow as the winter thaw turns to spring. Each moment reminded her Almanzo was on his way to start a new life without her.

Moments later, Miss Wilder stood up from her desk. "All right, class. You may go out and play."

Laura could feel her brother Albert standing next to her. The gravity of his stare bore down on her as  she pretended to read. Miss Wilder advanced toward them.

"Albert, would you take my watch and make sure to call everyone back in on time. I need Laura to help me with something."

"Sure, Miss Wilder." Albert shot one more glance at his sister before turning around and marching away.

Miss Wilder sat down on the bench in front of Laura. "He must be halfway to Sleepy Eye by now."

Laura gasped. "You know."

"He had to tell me that I would need to find some help around the farm."

Laura nodded. She hadn't given any thought to the farm. Miss Wilder certainly couldn't run it herself.

"Do you know where he went?"

Miss Wilder adjusted her eyeglasses. "No, I'm sorry. He didn't say much before he left this morning, though we talked a bit last night."

"What did he say?"

Laura bit her lower lip as Miss Wilder told her what she knew—which wasn't much. Her head collapsed into her folded arms across her desk. How could this be happening? Her chest heaved as she forced back the tears.

"You don't have to be here today," said Miss Wilder. "Go home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Laura collected her books from the bench and pushed herself off the seat. Tears welled up in her eyes and threatened to tumble down her cheeks. Her shuffling feet scratched along the hard, wooden floor as she walked to the back door. She turned to face her teacher, comforted by the compassion in the older woman's eyes.

"Thank you, Miss Wilder."

She smiled. "You're welcome. And, try not to worry. He'll be back."

"How do you know?"

Miss Wilder shrugged. "I know my brother. He doesn't give up too easily."

Laura managed a weak smile before sneaking out of the back door as she heard the first chimes of the school bell ending recess. As she wandered toward the little house on Plum Creek, she took solace in Miss Wilder's words. She had no idea how she would get through the rest of the day, or tomorrow, or even the next day, but she had to hold onto that hope that what Miss Wilder and her Ma said was true … he'll be back.

Copyright Cheryl C. Malandrinos - All Rights Reserved.

Thoughts on Bless All the Dear Children

I've long said the final Christmas episode, "Bless All the Dear Children," is my least favorite Little House Christmas show. Recently, I watched this episode again. While my overall opinion hasn't changed, there are some good moments to celebrate or at least mention. Let's start with my nitpicks and then end with the positives.

Nitpicks

• Pa's narration opens the episode by stating this story takes place in the winter of 1896. Rose Wilder was born in 1886. She would have been 10.
• Pa also says that while they were used to cold winters, the winter of 1896 brought with it warm temperatures (hence people walking around with no coats and their sleeves rolled up in December in Minnesota). That year, the Midwest had experienced a long Indian summer, but by Thanksgiving temperatures were well below average with some areas reporting record breaking cold (-50).  
• Mr. Edwards gets into a bar fight, which is why Almanzo leaves Rose and she is abducted. Didn't he pretty much stop drinking after the whole incident with Albert? 
• Somehow Samuel hid in the back of their wagon undetected even though they had to ride half a day to get to their first stop?
• Mr. Edwards doesn't apologize. Not when Almanzo feels guilty and breaks down or when Laura is upset they will never find Rose. 
• The star in the sky leading them to Samuel after he runs away is just too corny for even me.
• The Carters living in the little house on Plum Creek will never sit right with me. 

Enjoyable Moments

• Seeing the family together and happy. The Wilders endured Almanzo's illness and paralysis, a tornado destroying their first house, the loss of Royal Wilder, the loss of Baby Wilder and Rose contracting small pox, Jenny Wilder almost dying twice, and the death of Laura's beloved brother, Albert. Thank goodness we see some happy times, too.
• The way the actors portrayed a married couple in crisis. By now, they should be experts at it. We should remember, however, that neither was married and Melissa Gilbert was only 19 when this episode aired. 
• Mr. Montague delivering presents to the Carters and Jenny Wilder dressed as Santa Claus. Though he rallied against the commercialization of Christmas--something I'm pretty sure never came up in the late 1800s--he puts aside his feelings when the Wilders are delayed and the Carters have nothing to give their boys. 
• A strong Almanzo defending his family. When they find Rose, Patrick Norris still believes the story his wife has told him about the little girl she brought home belonging to them. It doesn't take long for him to grab his gun. Though Laura pleads with both men to stop it, Almanzo isn't about to back down from protecting his family. Seeing him so dedicated to his family is not new, but if you think to how despondent he was back when Rose was born and he thought he would never walk again, this strong protector is truly a different man.
• Sam being adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Norris. Not sure everything was legal, but they all ended up happy.

What do you think about this episode? Do you share any of my nitpicks or enjoyable moments? Were there any other things that make it or break it for this episode?

Do You Remember "The Little House Years?"

How many of you remember the three-part clips episode, "The Little House Years?" It's easy to forget, since it isn't included on the DVDs. I spoke to Dean Butler (Almanzo Wilder) about it once. He eluded to a rights issue, but didn't know the exact nature of the issue.

Sitting around the table at Thanksgiving with Mary and Adam Kendall, Laura shares some of the family's journeys and memories. This is one great way to share the history of the Ingalls family with adopted brother, Albert.

I don't remember all of them, but scenes from when they left the Big Woods, when they bought the house on Plum Creek, when Charles lost his crop and had to travel to find work with the railroad, when Laura ran away, and several others are included. You also catch a glimpse of a young Shawna Landon in the library picking out a copy of Laura Ingalls Wilder's book.

It is my sincere hope that this part of season 6 is one day released. Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving.